I distance myself from my feelings so I never know what I want to say when I want to say something. I mean, I know I need to say something but I don’t know what because I don’t know why. It’s important for me to know why because I need a reason for things. I need to know structure so I can deduce meaning and then understand what it is that must be communicated. It’s hard to do that when you aren’t close to your subject matter. To understand it you must become it. Lol, I avoid that. I avoid association with that icky yucky, sticky cesspool that is human emotion. Whenever I feel it coming on (much too frequently these days for my peace of mind), I actively ignore it. It’s there, and that’s frustrating enough, but I make sure I don’t give it a voice. It mustn’t take hold. I never allow it to take hold.
There are days in life when you know exactly what’s going on, who’s where, and how everything will eventually turn out. Days when you’re at the top of your game. Days when you are nigh on clairvoyant(!), about everything that happens – you are prepared! Nothing gets past you. You are Bruce Lee and tasks are all those opponents who get their asses handed to them a beating a minute. You are a master of ‘Enter the Dragon, The Drunken Master, and Dude in a Ditch.’ And who doesn’t like days like these. When everything just seems to fall into place. What is effort at a time like this, do you even – I have never heard of such a thing. I was born this way. Continue reading “Inhale”
The nagging is what bothers the most. It’s bad enough the feeling is there to start with, but that it’s practically ricocheting around in your system, letting you know it’s folly to even start just guts a body through. It’s like a loud dull thudding that hits all the buttons only You thought you knew. And it gets you when you are the most optimistic. When everything seems bathed in buttercups and yellow and golden sunshine. And isn’t it funny how this is the most frequent time when everything goes to shit? In every instance one can think of when something went unspeakably wrong, the moments that preceded it couldn’t have been brighter. Full of strawberries and ice cream. The way of life. One moment you are right as rain then the next you ARE the rain! Falling all into pieces, all over the place. Continue reading “LABOUR”